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Dark Fantasy
I think I fetishize my suffering and misfortune. To the point where when I really sit back and think about my life and where I am – it’s pretty good. It is good. Life could truly be so much worse in many ways. I get angry saying I’m just settling and convincing myself that this…
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There is nothing special about you
People battle chronic illnesses and die everyday. That’s just life. We all will die. How you end up dying is nothing special. Whether you suffer for a long period or not – doesn’t matter. It happens to everyone. Embrace the inevitable. *by “you” I mean me. Speaking purely to myself here*
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Open Wound
Although you said it was a joke – I’m going to be honest – I don’t think I’ll be able to come back from this. Unfortunately, you hit the deepest wound I have. Feeling like people don’t care. You were the only one I felt like cared about me. What I had to say or…
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Mallory
When I was in high school, I learned that cats hide away from their owners when they are sick and know they are dying. They hide away to die privately. I’m trying to follow suit, but it’s hard pushing people away. I don’t want your help. You can’t help me. I don’t want to hurt…
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Suffering
I hear everyone just working away and I’m literally suffocating over here. I can’t swallow, gasping. Taking deep breaths. I can’t do this anymore. “I just want to be normal.” I think as I hold back tears at my desk. Death would be so sweet.
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Double Wammy
When you are so unhappy and full of pain from life and no longer want to be a part of this experience, while simultaneously feeling the pain of guilt and the pain from knowing the sadness those that love you would feel if you followed through. Stuck in a never ending loop of pain and…
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Happy Birthday
You would be 29 today. So many feelings today. Some because I hate my birthday which is tomorrow but mostly sadness because you’ve come to mind many times today. It is your birthday after all. Life is sick like that. I guess you can rest easy knowing you’ll never be forgotten since your birthday will…
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Guilt
I’ve given you 28 years and I know I’m at my limit. I want to run away and be free. I’m tired of being drained by you, yet I feel I owe you. I feel obligated to engage in unwanted conversation. I feel responsible that you have no one to spend time with. I feel…
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Beauty and Chaos 