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I want to be taken care of
I’m tired. I deal with so many things constantly while also suppressing my wants, needs and feelings to make everyone else comfortable. No one cares about my comfort. No one shows me the attention when I speak, the rare moments that I do, like I show everyone else. No one else figures out or handles…
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Dark Fantasy
I think I fetishize my suffering and misfortune. To the point where when I really sit back and think about my life and where I am – it’s pretty good. It is good. Life could truly be so much worse in many ways. I get angry saying I’m just settling and convincing myself that this…
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There is nothing special about you
People battle chronic illnesses and die everyday. That’s just life. We all will die. How you end up dying is nothing special. Whether you suffer for a long period or not – doesn’t matter. It happens to everyone. Embrace the inevitable. *by “you” I mean me. Speaking purely to myself here*
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Open Wound
Although you said it was a joke – I’m going to be honest – I don’t think I’ll be able to come back from this. Unfortunately, you hit the deepest wound I have. Feeling like people don’t care. You were the only one I felt like cared about me. What I had to say or…
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Mallory
When I was in high school, I learned that cats hide away from their owners when they are sick and know they are dying. They hide away to die privately. I’m trying to follow suit, but it’s hard pushing people away. I don’t want your help. You can’t help me. I don’t want to hurt…
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Suffering
I hear everyone just working away and I’m literally suffocating over here. I can’t swallow, gasping. Taking deep breaths. I can’t do this anymore. “I just want to be normal.” I think as I hold back tears at my desk. Death would be so sweet.
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Underlying Issue
How is it when I fantasize about ending it all – my main concern is how do I make the clean up the least amount burdensome…
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False Positivity
I was feeling optimistic about the future and actually looking forward to living life. For a moment I thought, life might actually be good and worth while. Then I almost fainted for no good god damn reason for the first time ever in my life. That’s when I remembered that all life is – is…
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I don’t know
Is there beauty in the sadness? Is there beauty in the lonely?
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Double Wammy
When you are so unhappy and full of pain from life and no longer want to be a part of this experience, while simultaneously feeling the pain of guilt and the pain from knowing the sadness those that love you would feel if you followed through. Stuck in a never ending loop of pain and…
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Beauty and Chaos 