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I don’t know
Is there beauty in the sadness? Is there beauty in the lonely?
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Double Wammy
When you are so unhappy and full of pain from life and no longer want to be a part of this experience, while simultaneously feeling the pain of guilt and the pain from knowing the sadness those that love you would feel if you followed through. Stuck in a never ending loop of pain and…
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Easy now
I’m trying to be easy on myself these days. Trying not to expect anything out of life anymore but also trying not to be angry about it either. I’ve realized there is a lot of anger inside of me. Like a burning fire that’s storming within. I clench my teeth and bite my tongue because,…
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What’s real anymore
Today has been especially strange. Too many things happening that makes saying, it’s a “coincidence”, a blatant lie. To the point that reality isn’t feeling real. Am I having an episode? A disorder perhaps? I don’t know what to do. I’m not in danger or a danger to others, but I feel out of place.…
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Happy Birthday
You would be 29 today. So many feelings today. Some because I hate my birthday which is tomorrow but mostly sadness because you’ve come to mind many times today. It is your birthday after all. Life is sick like that. I guess you can rest easy knowing you’ll never be forgotten since your birthday will…
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Freedom…?
I think I’m finally getting to an age where I am no longer desirable. No longer a target or someone whose existence… matters? It sounds so sad and maybe one day I will feel sad about it, but at this moment, I’m looking forward to it. Like it’s some sort of freedom to be able…
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Guilt
I’ve given you 28 years and I know I’m at my limit. I want to run away and be free. I’m tired of being drained by you, yet I feel I owe you. I feel obligated to engage in unwanted conversation. I feel responsible that you have no one to spend time with. I feel…
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Music on, in office
Something about listening to music through my headphones while sitting at my desk makes me actually feel happy to be alive. Hmmm 🎶
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Discipline
Discipline is the highest form of self love ♥ I’m going to start today. No more excuses. It’s time to do the hard things and love myself. It’s time for me to get disciplined and stop bailing. I have to hold myself accountable for my actions, or lack there of. Just because I’m feeling better…
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Sugar
Sugar in kids = ADHD Sugar in adults = Alzheimer’s/Dementia Sugar in the eyes = Glaucoma Sugar in the teeth = Cavities Sugar in your sleep = Insomnia Sugar all throughout your body = Cancer Excess sugar in your skin = Aging Excess sugar all throughout your system = Diabetes I saw a post on…
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Beauty and Chaos 