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No reason
What makes the depression heavy is the guilt knowing I have no right to be depressed. I have no right to show or speak on my depression because I have nothing bad going on. My life is considered good so I keep quiet. Unfortunately it doesn’t change how depressed I feel.
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I want to be taken care of
I’m tired. I deal with so many things constantly while also suppressing my wants, needs and feelings to make everyone else comfortable. No one cares about my comfort. No one shows me the attention when I speak, the rare moments that I do, like I show everyone else. No one else figures out or handles…
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Dark Fantasy
I think I fetishize my suffering and misfortune. To the point where when I really sit back and think about my life and where I am – it’s pretty good. It is good. Life could truly be so much worse in many ways. I get angry saying I’m just settling and convincing myself that this…
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There is nothing special about you
People battle chronic illnesses and die everyday. That’s just life. We all will die. How you end up dying is nothing special. Whether you suffer for a long period or not – doesn’t matter. It happens to everyone. Embrace the inevitable. *by “you” I mean me. Speaking purely to myself here*
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Open Wound
Although you said it was a joke – I’m going to be honest – I don’t think I’ll be able to come back from this. Unfortunately, you hit the deepest wound I have. Feeling like people don’t care. You were the only one I felt like cared about me. What I had to say or…
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Suffering
I hear everyone just working away and I’m literally suffocating over here. I can’t swallow, gasping. Taking deep breaths. I can’t do this anymore. “I just want to be normal.” I think as I hold back tears at my desk. Death would be so sweet.
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Underlying Issue
How is it when I fantasize about ending it all – my main concern is how do I make the clean up the least amount burdensome…
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I don’t know
Is there beauty in the sadness? Is there beauty in the lonely?
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Double Wammy
When you are so unhappy and full of pain from life and no longer want to be a part of this experience, while simultaneously feeling the pain of guilt and the pain from knowing the sadness those that love you would feel if you followed through. Stuck in a never ending loop of pain and…
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Easy now
I’m trying to be easy on myself these days. Trying not to expect anything out of life anymore but also trying not to be angry about it either. I’ve realized there is a lot of anger inside of me. Like a burning fire that’s storming within. I clench my teeth and bite my tongue because,…
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Beauty and Chaos 