Beauty and Chaos

I think I’m finally getting to an age where I am no longer desirable. No longer a target or someone whose existence… matters? It sounds so sad and maybe one day I will feel sad about it, but at this moment, I’m looking forward to it. Like it’s some sort of freedom to be able to go out and not have to be afraid that I’ll be approached or harassed. It’s something I’ve always dreamt of. That one day, I’ll be able to go run errands and not feel like I have to run in and out of everywhere. I’ll get to stroll the isles and take my time, cause I won’t matter. No one will want me and I’ll just be another older woman that is beyond her prime. Unattractive. Undesirable. Old.

Will I be sad that no one will care if I look good or if my outfit looks too provocative? I don’t think so. I’ve always wanted my existence to be unacknowledged. I think I’m finally getting to that age and I’m really looking forward to it. I’ll get to live like a typical man does and go about life without having to worry about being followed or getting hit on. Freedom.