Beauty and Chaos

I’ve given you 28 years and I know I’m at my limit. I want to run away and be free. I’m tired of being drained by you, yet I feel I owe you. I feel obligated to engage in unwanted conversation. I feel responsible that you have no one to spend time with. I feel like I have to make you happy and if I don’t, then I’ve hurt you, yet I can’t do it anymore. Every interaction makes me angry. I’m tired of having to do this. I want to live far away – where I don’t have to be responsible for your feelings anymore. Every time I walk away or give you a reaction you didn’t want – it hurts me. But I also hurt when I have to subject myself to your long winded conversation that I don’t want to have. Then I feel guilty because I know you won’t be here forever. I should cherish these moments and appreciate them but instead I feel so angry. I gave you 28 years… isn’t that enough? No one else seems to care about your happiness so why should I? You don’t care about mine so why do I feel so guilty? No matter what I do, I hurt.